I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize