If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
