he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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