This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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