why didn't you poke me back
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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