WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
