People with herpes should wear stickers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't turn off my feet"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
