the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
