Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Floor bacon is actually really good
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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