Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
