Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
