I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize