So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
