her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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