I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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