I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
