If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
