im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
