I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Randomize
