She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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