True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
