I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
