so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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