So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
