around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
