ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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