No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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