I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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