...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
