I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
