you would pick up someone in the library
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
