just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
