i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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