I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
