I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize