i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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