just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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