I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
