My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
