In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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