As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
