Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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