That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
