hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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