overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
cat food counts as protein by the way
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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