I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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