____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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