my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
