she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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