a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
