It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
