Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
