you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
