Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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