you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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