The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
