"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize