hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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