Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
