even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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