If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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