none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
