We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
