guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
