Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
