i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
