I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
