your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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