What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just pee around me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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