i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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