I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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