**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize